Do you know where your reproductive system is at?
I certainly do. It's in the unfortunate land called 'Lining is Too Thick' merged with 'DH has fucked off to get a car for ANOTHER interview tomorrow morning that likely will also come to nothing while DS is awake and has just thrown up at least 5 cups of puke all over my bed.'
This alternate dimension is also known as 'FMFL Country'.
Side Note: Signing into your favorite infertility blog to find out the author is pregnant is not good on any blogosphere level. I mean, seriously, she had the nerve to do a treatment that actually worked? WTF. How inconsiderate to the rest of us bloggers who needed that extra push to be nasty, cynical bitches and have a place to laugh over someone else's miseries.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Are You There god? It's Sad Me....
Dear god,
I am sure you are very busy taking all kinds of requests from wannabe parents (for example, Snooki), but see, here's the thing. I think you have forgotten me. Hi! I am here! I am waiting and I am suffering. Actually, scratch that. I am suffering A LOT.
Let me take you back on a little journey to 2008. 2008 when my son was born. You may recall that there were ten women in my tiny community all pregnant at the same time. It was so nice all being pregnant together. No-one felt left out, we could all talk baby and it was fun. And I am endlessly grateful for that, as You know.
Fast forward to 2012, however, and things are not quite as rosy. Of those ten women, who all had babies after me, it may have escaped your notice but they are all pregnant- AGAIN! Yes all of them. With one exception- ME. This mean that they have had two babies since I had my first. Granted it is not a competition, but, you know, when You give something to everyone around a person, it kinda sorta turns into one. The kind where people are whispering about you behind your back ('gee... i wonder when they are planning to have another one?', 'why doesn't she want another kid?', or in some cases 'hahaha, she is finally being punished'), and you feel emotional pain on a whole new level. The sad pain where every birthday reminds you of your aging reproductive system and with it the chance to have another child slowly slopping away. The pain where you look around and realize your child is realizing he doesn't have a baby in his family and everyone else does. And that, honestly, is the worst pain of all.
Yesterday we had some friends over who had a baby girl about a month ago. My DS said "I want that baby mummy, I love her'. I said 'I think her mummy wants her, sorry sweetie.' Friend, watching this exchange, 'You know, if you pray really hard maybe god will send you a baby too'.
So, have I not prayed hard enough? Has my DH and our families not prayed hard enough? Is everyone else really so much more worthy than we are? What's up with this? Are you ever going to hear my prayers or do you hear them and just keep saying no?
Please, let me know how to proceed so that my dreams can be fulfilled and realized.
Love,
Me
I am sure you are very busy taking all kinds of requests from wannabe parents (for example, Snooki), but see, here's the thing. I think you have forgotten me. Hi! I am here! I am waiting and I am suffering. Actually, scratch that. I am suffering A LOT.
Let me take you back on a little journey to 2008. 2008 when my son was born. You may recall that there were ten women in my tiny community all pregnant at the same time. It was so nice all being pregnant together. No-one felt left out, we could all talk baby and it was fun. And I am endlessly grateful for that, as You know.
Fast forward to 2012, however, and things are not quite as rosy. Of those ten women, who all had babies after me, it may have escaped your notice but they are all pregnant- AGAIN! Yes all of them. With one exception- ME. This mean that they have had two babies since I had my first. Granted it is not a competition, but, you know, when You give something to everyone around a person, it kinda sorta turns into one. The kind where people are whispering about you behind your back ('gee... i wonder when they are planning to have another one?', 'why doesn't she want another kid?', or in some cases 'hahaha, she is finally being punished'), and you feel emotional pain on a whole new level. The sad pain where every birthday reminds you of your aging reproductive system and with it the chance to have another child slowly slopping away. The pain where you look around and realize your child is realizing he doesn't have a baby in his family and everyone else does. And that, honestly, is the worst pain of all.
Yesterday we had some friends over who had a baby girl about a month ago. My DS said "I want that baby mummy, I love her'. I said 'I think her mummy wants her, sorry sweetie.' Friend, watching this exchange, 'You know, if you pray really hard maybe god will send you a baby too'.
So, have I not prayed hard enough? Has my DH and our families not prayed hard enough? Is everyone else really so much more worthy than we are? What's up with this? Are you ever going to hear my prayers or do you hear them and just keep saying no?
Please, let me know how to proceed so that my dreams can be fulfilled and realized.
Love,
Me
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