Again, again and AGAIN.

Thats right, folks.

As opposed to last time, where I got three beautie follies on clomid cycle 1, I am drowning in a despairing cycle of low E2 numbers. And not just this cycle, but the previous two as well.

Here is how the last two looked.

New highly recommended (CHEAP) RE #1 decided to use clomid/IUI again. My E2 numbers just wouldn't rise. I ended up triggering on a pathetic E2 level with a (very likely bad quality) follie measuring at 32mm. Needless to say, that cycle failed. Left RE.

2nd highly recommended (CHEAP) RE #2. Forced another HSG on me, with used equipment that could have reliably been seen on American Pickers and being sold on as an antique. It hurt like a mofo. He claimed I have polyps, but that we would press ahead with cycle. Started Gonal-F at 75, barely responded after three days so he bumped me up to 150. That forced my ovaries into overdrive and again I had only one (probably bad quality) follie ready to go on day 10. Triggered and of course nothing. Left RE.

Got new RE ( not cheap at all but insurance paying- yay!) and went back to place got PG with DS. Best in NJ, tri state area and arguably up there as one of the best in entire country. Started Gonal-F again, and still low E2 numbers. Instead of panicking, however, they kept me on same dosage of 150 for a week, with bumping me up 25.5 just last night. They say I am exactly where I should be and I do have a bunch of small follies waiting to develop.

The morning monitoring sessions are still killer. The shots hurt like hell. I am a weight gaining mess. I cry, snap and barely laugh. I am unpleasant. I am fucking INFERTILE.... AGAIN, STILL, WHATEVER!!! But, with a difference. No-one cares this time around. No-one wants to hear me complain. No-one thinks I have feelings about not getting PG since I already have a child. And I am so grateful for this sweet little boy, and I have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams with this perfect child. But, you know what? It is not enough. I want another. I want a sibling for my son. And you know what else?? I do not think that is so wrong.

I am sick of seeing postings on FB from previous IF'ers complaining about their pregnancies, I am sick of hearing about it from everyone and most of all I am sick of seeing others move on and have it easy when so much is going wrong for me.