Is my time up?

This blog gives me food for thought on a regular basis, however, one extra post she wrote struck a special chord with me. She refers to 'sympathyville'. This is something I have been debating too- when is my time up in sympathyville? Do I ever go back there again cause I do already have a kid, so who cares about those 2 previously failed IUI cycles, with possibly a third one coming up (yup.. in the 2WW as of today), right?? RIGHT??
Do I still get to cry and be sad since I do already have a kid? Does anyone really care? I am fairly confident most of my friends don't think I'm suffering since on a weekly basis (or daily depending on how unfortunate I am that week) I get a picture of a positive PG test. Not sure why I am always the first one to know or be told, but I am. It is as if the universe is conspiring against me to make sure I feel as shitty as possible on a constant basis.

Again, again and AGAIN.

Thats right, folks.

As opposed to last time, where I got three beautie follies on clomid cycle 1, I am drowning in a despairing cycle of low E2 numbers. And not just this cycle, but the previous two as well.

Here is how the last two looked.

New highly recommended (CHEAP) RE #1 decided to use clomid/IUI again. My E2 numbers just wouldn't rise. I ended up triggering on a pathetic E2 level with a (very likely bad quality) follie measuring at 32mm. Needless to say, that cycle failed. Left RE.

2nd highly recommended (CHEAP) RE #2. Forced another HSG on me, with used equipment that could have reliably been seen on American Pickers and being sold on as an antique. It hurt like a mofo. He claimed I have polyps, but that we would press ahead with cycle. Started Gonal-F at 75, barely responded after three days so he bumped me up to 150. That forced my ovaries into overdrive and again I had only one (probably bad quality) follie ready to go on day 10. Triggered and of course nothing. Left RE.

Got new RE ( not cheap at all but insurance paying- yay!) and went back to place got PG with DS. Best in NJ, tri state area and arguably up there as one of the best in entire country. Started Gonal-F again, and still low E2 numbers. Instead of panicking, however, they kept me on same dosage of 150 for a week, with bumping me up 25.5 just last night. They say I am exactly where I should be and I do have a bunch of small follies waiting to develop.

The morning monitoring sessions are still killer. The shots hurt like hell. I am a weight gaining mess. I cry, snap and barely laugh. I am unpleasant. I am fucking INFERTILE.... AGAIN, STILL, WHATEVER!!! But, with a difference. No-one cares this time around. No-one wants to hear me complain. No-one thinks I have feelings about not getting PG since I already have a child. And I am so grateful for this sweet little boy, and I have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams with this perfect child. But, you know what? It is not enough. I want another. I want a sibling for my son. And you know what else?? I do not think that is so wrong.

I am sick of seeing postings on FB from previous IF'ers complaining about their pregnancies, I am sick of hearing about it from everyone and most of all I am sick of seeing others move on and have it easy when so much is going wrong for me.

Here we go....

So, quick round up of my life since I saw you last.

The Good Stuff:

Gave birth to gorgeous healthy boy with thanks and love to the One above always in December of 2008.

I started a new job, with fertility coverage.

I am in school online for a random degree.

The Bad Stuff:

Have not used b/c since delivering him and decided to wait until he was 2 before actively trying again... not even a sniff of a pregnancy during these three years.

Bought a house.

DH started a new business, had massive falling out with business partner b/c discovered partner was stealing from him. Sadly, they were out best friends in this community and now we are dying to move out. DH still has no job.

I am in school online for a random degree.

Everyone in this town who had a child after DS was born is pregnant again as are many other of my friends.

I am hating my life in this community.... but cannot move out yet.

We are totally broke.

x2 we are totally broke.