Lessons in Inability

The candles are lit. The lights are dimmed. In the corner glowing softly are both my digital ovulation predictor and my non-digital (but also hugely expensive) stick, with a smiley face and two thick lines respectively on each.
This was it, my heart cried.. this will be the month I have waited for! HSG done and tubes clear, S/A done and normal and I am even ovulating on my own! Could the month get any better??

DH and I had an a-m-a-z-i-n-g very NON typical-BD'ing session in that it was great fun, and good and non pressured. My spirits rose even higher, and I was delighted with high hopes for the next night.

The next night came. I used all my talents and powers to coax DH into the mood.. he came to the bedroom (begrudgingly I might add) , and all hell broke lose. There was no nice romantic candles, no fun, and certainly no 'finishing' on either side. Instead there were tears, screaming and shouting.

How is it both DH and I are trapped by our own insecurities and inabilities? I am trapped and infuriated by my inability to get PG and control my ovaries..
DH is trapped by his inability and failure to finish. And vice versa.. I am infuriated when DH can't finish and I am sure DH is infuriated that he stuck with someone who can't even ovulate on her own each month.

How to get over these hurdles which seem so small and yet have the ability to set your emotions, hearts, pregnancy possibilities and relationships back by months?
How does one manage in their failure to be able to help themselves cope, never mind helping their partner to cope?

When will my happy, carefree self with a twinkle in her eye return.. when the days aren't judged on what cycle day I am on, but what fun activities I have planned for the week?

The Approach

I feel like in front of me are just huge mountains, and I am relieved to say we keep climbing these mountains in big jumps. I guess that the only positive way to look at IF. Only look at the mountain in front and hope and pray you can climb it.
I found out this week that my DH s/a came back good, and that my CD 3 bloodwork levels are good. The next mountain (and scariest for me) is the HSG.
Our RE is waiting to get results from my fasting glucose test before he decides if I should be on Metformin, but it seems we will be doing an IUI/ clomid in March/ April.

Family Facts

My S.I.L is pregnant. Again. With her 6th. In fact, I know a realm of people in my city; in other cities spanning both sides of the country; in around 4 continents (Not including Africa or South America cause I don't know ANYONE there!) all pregnant. I don't know why it hurts so much, but it does.
What is it about knowing other people are pregnant that affects my ability to think of everything else? What makes me go into crying fits upon discovering someone else is pregnant whilst I am still struggling to get CD 3 b/w done? As my very closest man friend (thanks E!) is fond of saying 'If someone else very close to you won the lottery wouldn't you be happy for them? Would you still be asking why it wasn't you?'
I think though, that E is missing the point. Not everyone in their lifetime will win the lottery or even any small sum of money. Most people, though, do have kids so it hurts real bad when you don't.
In updated doctors news, this lucky lucky girl will soon be doing an HSG. I am petrified- I have heard so many horror stories that if anyone has a positive one to share, I would be thrilled to hear it.