So, we went for our ultrasound to determine if a yolk sac would be seen in conjunction with our gestational sac. We have a gestational sac of 8.53 and no yolk sac to be seen. The Dr said this is a concern, and I really feel like the blood work doesn't matter anymore- everyone knows if there is no yolk sac, there is no way for the baby to survive.
We have to go back on Tuesday, but at this point (pardon the English expression) I feel like we are flogging a dead horse, and I have no idea how to get back on it.
I know there is a chance we may see a yolk sac on Tuesday, but at this point I'd say we are well and truly fucked- to make matters worse, we are due to be going to the in-laws for a family weekend and I don't think we can get out of it. Roll on SIL with her 3rd baby, and other SIL who's pregnant with her 6th. This is gonna be great.
I feel like right now I am just walking around with a dead baby and/or a mass of dead cells. This really sucks. As I mentioned before I always thought I'd be ok if I had a miscarriage- at least it means I can get pregnant, right?? Well, now I wonder if, in hindsight, I would really have had my hopes raised so high, to be dashed so low. I wonder if that first high is truly worth the low.
And, where to go from here. I don't want to give up, and yet how do I go through this all over again? Just thinking about needing to go in again for the aptly named 'morning monitoring' to get permission to take clomid makes my blood run cold.. just thinking about paying all those IF bills again makes me want to shoot myself. And yet, what choice do we have? How do I keep pushing myself through, saying it will all be ok, when I don't know that it ever will?
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2 comments:
Marissa, I am truly sorry that this happening to you. I'm still praying that you will get good news, but I know that you're hurting in the meantime, and that makes me so sad. This is so unfair. I'm sending you warm thoughts. Please keep us updated.
Marissa, I am so sorry for your loss. I too just recently suffered from the same as you. I had that feeling of Okay, I will be okay with a misscarriage because that is a sign that we can get pregnant. Then when it happened I was crushed. There is no way in the situation that we are in, that we couldn't get our hopes up when we see the second line on the stick or the positive sign. It is something that we have waited so long for, we just can't help it. Please know that I feel your pain and that if you need to talk, I am here for you. I send hugs and lots of love your way.
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