Well the day finally arrived... It was actually rather unexpected, which I am happy about because I cannot imagine having to obsess over waiting for the actual IUI day as well as obsessing over everything else!
In my doctors office, they follow a slightly different protocol- they do two IUI's, but trigger the morning of the first one, and do another one 24 hours later. They also advise our own BD'ing tomorrow night (needless to say, DH is FAR more excited for that!)
It was all painless and over fast- no ultrasounds, no blood work; just me, a nurse, the specimen (it was 'very nice' according to the doc), the doctor and a speculum.
As for my part, I had three follies; one at 20mm, one at 17mm and one at 15mm- these are measurements as of yesterday so i would expect them to all be slightly larger today.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Monday, March 17, 2008
Clomid Climate
Pre PCOS diagnosis, I did have other interests.. I would cook, I would bake, I would dance, I would smile more - in fact, DH might even say I was a happier person to be around altogether. My time is now so totally consumed with my doctor, my nurse, my 'research', my appointments etc that I find myself wondering what I will do when I do not have all these appointments and time drags facing me (I promised E and DH I would think positive so I am! Negative Nancy has left the building..). Just imagine.. I may actually be able to get a good nights sleep and do some work. For now, however, I am on Glucophage, Clomid and prenatal vitamins.
Nothing, nothing, compares to the intense heat you feel on a clomid cycle. I am of course referring to hot flashes- now I know many people have way more side effects, but there is nothing worse than sitting at your desk, surrounded by people and feeling boiling hot and starting to sweat... literally sweat.
I now know why my mom did not take the 'change of life' too well, and loses it anytime someone looks or says something wrong to here- hell, if I felt like I was in the Sahara for one minute and the Antarctica the next for any duration of my time longer than a week I would also think it was time to go gun and bullet shopping.
Nothing, nothing, compares to the intense heat you feel on a clomid cycle. I am of course referring to hot flashes- now I know many people have way more side effects, but there is nothing worse than sitting at your desk, surrounded by people and feeling boiling hot and starting to sweat... literally sweat.
I now know why my mom did not take the 'change of life' too well, and loses it anytime someone looks or says something wrong to here- hell, if I felt like I was in the Sahara for one minute and the Antarctica the next for any duration of my time longer than a week I would also think it was time to go gun and bullet shopping.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Willing to life swap?
CD 3 came in with a pop! A popped blood vessel, that is, from a not very gentle nurse.. This wonderful event was then followed by a very rough doctor doing a transvaginal ultrasound- it was so bad, in fact, I was squirming away and she had to tell me to come back down.
The B/W came back with the blessed news that my hormone levels are normal and, had it not been for my 'little bit too thick endometrial lining,' I would not now be $200 more out of pocket as of Thursday when I need to go back on CD 5 for another practice lesson on how to torture (I am not sure what is more torturous: 1) The procedure itself; 2) The fact it is done between 6-7:30 am or 3) The fact I need to go to work afterwards).
My best friend (Google) has proved to me that I can still worry about getting cancer as well as IF ( a relief I know!) because apparently having a too thick endometrial lining can indicate endometrial cancer. Lucky the doctor has reliably informed me (even though she only met me for the first time this morning) that my lining will definitely be thinner by then.
Anyway, enough about my lining.
I have new fish to fry. I am wondering how anyone out there can work full time and do all these treatments, and still have energy to smile.
Are you girls all drinking red bull? Taking illegal drugs? Having the kind of morning sex I only had on my honeymoon? Or is everyone as tired, fed up and close to being ready to throw in the towel (and I'm only just starting!) as I am.
The B/W came back with the blessed news that my hormone levels are normal and, had it not been for my 'little bit too thick endometrial lining,' I would not now be $200 more out of pocket as of Thursday when I need to go back on CD 5 for another practice lesson on how to torture (I am not sure what is more torturous: 1) The procedure itself; 2) The fact it is done between 6-7:30 am or 3) The fact I need to go to work afterwards).
My best friend (Google) has proved to me that I can still worry about getting cancer as well as IF ( a relief I know!) because apparently having a too thick endometrial lining can indicate endometrial cancer. Lucky the doctor has reliably informed me (even though she only met me for the first time this morning) that my lining will definitely be thinner by then.
Anyway, enough about my lining.
I have new fish to fry. I am wondering how anyone out there can work full time and do all these treatments, and still have energy to smile.
Are you girls all drinking red bull? Taking illegal drugs? Having the kind of morning sex I only had on my honeymoon? Or is everyone as tired, fed up and close to being ready to throw in the towel (and I'm only just starting!) as I am.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Vicious Cycles
Why is it, I pondered as I lay crying in bed last night for the 16th month in a row, that not only do I have to get my period.. but to add insult to injury it hurts in a physical and emotional way.
What cruel kind of system is it when we are heartbreakingly reminded of our non-pregnant status by a tearing uterine cramp?
My medicine free cycles are now over. I began taking Glucophage last night and whilst I was spared the GI upsets (so far!), the headaches/ hot flushes etc are not be believed. I am currently on Glucophage, prenatal vitamins, Clomid and will soon have a trigger shot.
I also have a co-worker who is due any day and does not stop yapping away about her damn baby. She knows my situation and still it is all we hear about- I cannot help thinking if the situations were reversed I would be far more sensitive.
What cruel kind of system is it when we are heartbreakingly reminded of our non-pregnant status by a tearing uterine cramp?
My medicine free cycles are now over. I began taking Glucophage last night and whilst I was spared the GI upsets (so far!), the headaches/ hot flushes etc are not be believed. I am currently on Glucophage, prenatal vitamins, Clomid and will soon have a trigger shot.
I also have a co-worker who is due any day and does not stop yapping away about her damn baby. She knows my situation and still it is all we hear about- I cannot help thinking if the situations were reversed I would be far more sensitive.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Lessons in Inability
The candles are lit. The lights are dimmed. In the corner glowing softly are both my digital ovulation predictor and my non-digital (but also hugely expensive) stick, with a smiley face and two thick lines respectively on each.
This was it, my heart cried.. this will be the month I have waited for! HSG done and tubes clear, S/A done and normal and I am even ovulating on my own! Could the month get any better??
DH and I had an a-m-a-z-i-n-g very NON typical-BD'ing session in that it was great fun, and good and non pressured. My spirits rose even higher, and I was delighted with high hopes for the next night.
The next night came. I used all my talents and powers to coax DH into the mood.. he came to the bedroom (begrudgingly I might add) , and all hell broke lose. There was no nice romantic candles, no fun, and certainly no 'finishing' on either side. Instead there were tears, screaming and shouting.
How is it both DH and I are trapped by our own insecurities and inabilities? I am trapped and infuriated by my inability to get PG and control my ovaries..
DH is trapped by his inability and failure to finish. And vice versa.. I am infuriated when DH can't finish and I am sure DH is infuriated that he stuck with someone who can't even ovulate on her own each month.
How to get over these hurdles which seem so small and yet have the ability to set your emotions, hearts, pregnancy possibilities and relationships back by months?
How does one manage in their failure to be able to help themselves cope, never mind helping their partner to cope?
When will my happy, carefree self with a twinkle in her eye return.. when the days aren't judged on what cycle day I am on, but what fun activities I have planned for the week?
This was it, my heart cried.. this will be the month I have waited for! HSG done and tubes clear, S/A done and normal and I am even ovulating on my own! Could the month get any better??
DH and I had an a-m-a-z-i-n-g very NON typical-BD'ing session in that it was great fun, and good and non pressured. My spirits rose even higher, and I was delighted with high hopes for the next night.
The next night came. I used all my talents and powers to coax DH into the mood.. he came to the bedroom (begrudgingly I might add) , and all hell broke lose. There was no nice romantic candles, no fun, and certainly no 'finishing' on either side. Instead there were tears, screaming and shouting.
How is it both DH and I are trapped by our own insecurities and inabilities? I am trapped and infuriated by my inability to get PG and control my ovaries..
DH is trapped by his inability and failure to finish. And vice versa.. I am infuriated when DH can't finish and I am sure DH is infuriated that he stuck with someone who can't even ovulate on her own each month.
How to get over these hurdles which seem so small and yet have the ability to set your emotions, hearts, pregnancy possibilities and relationships back by months?
How does one manage in their failure to be able to help themselves cope, never mind helping their partner to cope?
When will my happy, carefree self with a twinkle in her eye return.. when the days aren't judged on what cycle day I am on, but what fun activities I have planned for the week?
Sunday, February 10, 2008
The Approach
I feel like in front of me are just huge mountains, and I am relieved to say we keep climbing these mountains in big jumps. I guess that the only positive way to look at IF. Only look at the mountain in front and hope and pray you can climb it.
I found out this week that my DH s/a came back good, and that my CD 3 bloodwork levels are good. The next mountain (and scariest for me) is the HSG.
Our RE is waiting to get results from my fasting glucose test before he decides if I should be on Metformin, but it seems we will be doing an IUI/ clomid in March/ April.
I found out this week that my DH s/a came back good, and that my CD 3 bloodwork levels are good. The next mountain (and scariest for me) is the HSG.
Our RE is waiting to get results from my fasting glucose test before he decides if I should be on Metformin, but it seems we will be doing an IUI/ clomid in March/ April.
Friday, February 1, 2008
Family Facts
My S.I.L is pregnant. Again. With her 6th. In fact, I know a realm of people in my city; in other cities spanning both sides of the country; in around 4 continents (Not including Africa or South America cause I don't know ANYONE there!) all pregnant. I don't know why it hurts so much, but it does.
What is it about knowing other people are pregnant that affects my ability to think of everything else? What makes me go into crying fits upon discovering someone else is pregnant whilst I am still struggling to get CD 3 b/w done? As my very closest man friend (thanks E!) is fond of saying 'If someone else very close to you won the lottery wouldn't you be happy for them? Would you still be asking why it wasn't you?'
I think though, that E is missing the point. Not everyone in their lifetime will win the lottery or even any small sum of money. Most people, though, do have kids so it hurts real bad when you don't.
In updated doctors news, this lucky lucky girl will soon be doing an HSG. I am petrified- I have heard so many horror stories that if anyone has a positive one to share, I would be thrilled to hear it.
What is it about knowing other people are pregnant that affects my ability to think of everything else? What makes me go into crying fits upon discovering someone else is pregnant whilst I am still struggling to get CD 3 b/w done? As my very closest man friend (thanks E!) is fond of saying 'If someone else very close to you won the lottery wouldn't you be happy for them? Would you still be asking why it wasn't you?'
I think though, that E is missing the point. Not everyone in their lifetime will win the lottery or even any small sum of money. Most people, though, do have kids so it hurts real bad when you don't.
In updated doctors news, this lucky lucky girl will soon be doing an HSG. I am petrified- I have heard so many horror stories that if anyone has a positive one to share, I would be thrilled to hear it.
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